tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86661997406831667152024-02-07T18:48:49.090-08:00Mvuse's MusingsMvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-66684591994438375232016-02-17T00:18:00.000-08:002016-02-17T00:18:58.257-08:00The Way My Life Changed in 2014This is probably the most personal post I will ever put here. But as part of a healing process I'm going through right now I feel there is no other way... Here goes:<br />
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<span class="s1">The week my grandmother died:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I didn't cry as much as I should have</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I wasn't sure why I was sad</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I kept busy to keep from thinking, like she would have done I assume</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I learnt the value of friendship in terms of time and energy expended </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I learnt my mode of grieving - private and intermittent </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I didn't see much of my kids and I didn't check much homework </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I felt so alone </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I felt lost </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I realised that I didn't know how to use my voice </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I worried about my dad but knew he was handling it his way, not burying it</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I discovered how close my dad and I are, despite the seeming drifting apart over the years </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I knew God's provision. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">The day they buried my grandmother:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I'd cut myself the night before and wondered if it was some sort of blood covenant </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I felt like I missed the funeral but also that I wouldn't have managed to attend it</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Family drama annoyed and disappointed me. I cut some people out of my heart </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I didn't say goodbye to my grandfather when I left</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I wondered how Khulu really felt and wondered if it mattered. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">The day after they buried my grandmother:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I wondered if her life was worth the three that came into the world around the time of her death. I realised that God had known 9 months before that He was going to take her and I felt slightly betrayed </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I wondered if I would ever recover from her death though I knew I didn't want to </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I discovered that none of the words of sympathy I received actually comforted me, but seeing people around did as it reminded me that so many people loved her too </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1">23rd March 2014</span></div>
Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-33557694925698300312016-02-17T00:06:00.000-08:002016-02-17T00:06:10.356-08:00The ReturnWell, I've been incognito for the last two years. And what whirlwind years they have been!! Since my last post my world fell apart and came back together again - yes, that extreme! I like to think I've grown up a lot, changed somewhat, and I'm excited to get to know myself in the thick of my thirties. I'm enjoying my dirty, flirty thirties, as they call them. Feel so much freedom from external expectations, though I've certainly put a lot more on myself. Perhaps it's trying to wrap up things I felt I should have finished in my twenties: a Masters degree or two (hopefully!), having beautiful babies, etc. Anyway, I'm back. And I hope I'm back for a long while now.<br />
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If anyone out there is reading this, even if it's just future me, Thanks!Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-41111876955665992462014-03-05T04:19:00.000-08:002014-03-05T04:19:58.052-08:00My Two Cents towards the Anti-Gay Debate...<div class="p1">
The Anti-gay Law Debate</div>
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About 100 years ago missionaries brought Christianity to Africa, changing the names and ways of many objects and processes. Those changes caused the upheaval of many systems and introduced new ways of thinking about things. In many ways they essentially insisted that Africans stop thinking for themselves and take on the 'better' ways. A significant introduction made by the missionaries was morality about all things, including sexuality. The Bible was used to decide what was right and wrong, with specific, accepted interpretations. Particularly, the notion that homosexuality was a sin worse than others was indisputable. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Fast forward a hundred years and the western thinking has changed. Information, rules and new ways of thinking continue to be 'suggested' to Africans, who are still expected to take it all on without thinking about it. The work of missionaries is now being done by politicians and intellectuals, but the intention is still the same: to make sure that Africa continues to serve the development of the West. The Bible is no longer the ruling text and the ideas on homosexuality have changed. Africa is therefore required to keep up with the changing thinking as we have had to do on all other issues as they have evolved in the West: women's rights, health and nutrition, human rights, justice, environmental conservation. The most glaring thing to me is that we fail to negotiate for our ideas of right and wrong because we don't know what they are. As we have shed our own African ness - both by force and by choice - we have failed to record what we are removing so that we know where we came from. We have spent so much time allowing ourselves to be upgraded and contributed our energies towards stripping ourselves of our history and identity.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The African debate on homosexuality is so directionless and weak because we don't quite know what it is that we think about it. We are debating what we are being told to do based on what we have been told to do in the past. In Microsoft excel that type of circular reasoning doesn't work. I don't think it works in life either. </div>
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<br /></div>
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This isn't the first debate that has highlighted how adrift we are as a people (feminism, food security, health, social dynamics, leadership are still raging unresolved), and it won't be the last. I wonder if we are doomed as a people. If it's true that you can't know where you're going if you don't know where you come from then I'm not sure what hope there is for us. Because from my limited analysis it is glaring that our history, our true selves and identity, has been totally lost. </div>
Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-1713609083081284862014-03-05T04:08:00.001-08:002014-03-05T04:08:27.124-08:00The Year 30 Series lives on!! <div class="p1">
So the 30 by 30 series didn't quite work out, mostly because I spent my 30th year learning some important lessons. Now that I am older I can write about them :-)) </div>
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<br /></div>
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My key lessons of 2013 were about love. I'll try and share them with you now. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Firstly, love is that fluttering in your stomach, that tightening of your heart, that involuntary grin, that extra bounce in your step. Love is the feeling of great fortune and unmerited favour. It's a reminder that you're a great person and worthy of much affection. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Love is a series of actions. It is a doing word that is shown through its actions. It's the shout that keeps peace. It's the silence that makes a point. It's letting go of the person or the moment or the object that you thought you couldn't live without. </div>
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Love is a choice. Sometimes it's a moment in which we decide to take a chance, in order to love ourselves or love someone else. Sometimes it is a choice that we make over a long time as we determine the type of person we will love even when we haven't met them yet. Then when we meet them we may feel like we have no choice, but the truth is that we will have been deciding it all along. It's the choice to do the thing that will soften and delight someone else's heart, when it puts our schedule out of sync. It's the choice to do nothing when that suits you least. </div>
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Love is a statement. It means 'I want the best for you. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way I make you feel.' Loving someone means making sure that your life is always saying something positive about yourself and about the object of your love. </div>
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<br /></div>
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God is love. All we are and all we go through are about His love. We just have to open our hearts to see it. We have to think about it on a cosmic scale, beyond the day-to-day.</div>
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Love is unpredictable. It can never be fully known because trying to figure it out is part of the adventure and part of the charm. But there are things about love that we can know and trust: that love doesn't only work in the way we think it should. Love isn't only one-dimensional or one-directional. We need to open our minds up to let love teach us in the way that it will, all the while believing that love is good and for good. </div>
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Love never fails. People may fail us. Trust may be broken. But if we are faithful to love it will never fail us. </div>
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Finally, loving yourself is paramount, considering all the points above. It's important to understand that some day you will let yourself down, you will betray yourself, you will surprise yourself. But you must still forgive yourself and move on. You must express your love for yourself, to your self and to the world. </div>
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Most of this may be old news to most people, but a lot of it was new when i learnt it. So i'm grateful for the lessons of my thirtieth year. </div>
Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-18885031351652815482014-01-13T10:24:00.001-08:002014-01-13T10:24:51.145-08:00For Resolutions<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">For all the flack that resolutions get every year, I for one am a fan. I relish the opportunity to restart every year, for a moment to feel hopeful about myself, as if I too can accomplish great things. I think we should focus less on how often we break our resolutions, and more on just how optimistic a people we can be. Let's embrace the hope that we have in ourselves, and commit to dusting ourselves off every New Years and trying to be better. Even if it lasts a day. </span></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-44799909180930017192013-10-09T23:25:00.001-07:002013-10-09T23:25:27.535-07:00Poem from 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran<div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">When love beckons to you, follow him,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Though his ways are hard and steep.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">And when his wings enfold you yield to him,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">And when he speaks to you believe in him,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth….</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">But if in your fear you would only seek love’s peace and love’s pleasure,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Then it is better for you that you cover you nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing floor,</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Into a seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course…</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To know the pain of too much tenderness.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To be wounded by your own understanding of love;</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">And to bleed willingly and joyfully.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">To return home at eventide with gratitude;</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">~ from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran </div><div><br></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-73415955558839163392013-10-09T01:33:00.001-07:002013-10-09T01:33:25.587-07:00Dealing with grief the African way<span style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> </span><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Growing up I thought adults were stoic and overly formal about grief, but I had never lost anyone in a way that allowed me to own some loss and grief of my own. Now having lost 3 people in my young adult life that were significantly close to me so that I felt their loss, I finally understand how effective and efficient the African grieving system is. It is far from perfect, as most funerals have dramas of their own. But it is deigned to deal with the loss head on and comfort the grieving. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">The first step is the way people rally together when someone dies. It's not about how well you knew the deceased or how significant you are to those remaining, but that grief befalls us all at some point and there is comfort in people being around, either to keep you busy or distracted, or to make you believe that the deceased was well loved. People do their best to pool resources for a dignified send off and will do their best to make sure the affected family is not left alone during that time. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Second is the process of greeting and touching the hands of all other mourners. It can be a great health risk in times of flu and cholera, but also a comforting reminder that while we have lost one, there are still so many alive. Along with the hand shaking come the perfunctory words 'we meet with this grief' and the response 'it's happened' or 'we have seen it'. Once again, done without much pomp but so significant in firstly allowing those who suffered the immediate loss to absolve others of responsibility for the death, and receiving the acknowledgement for their loss. But more than that, constantly having to say 'it has happened' allows those who grieve to accept the death. It may not happen instantly and much pain remains after a funeral. But acknowledging the death yourself over and over helps you to accept that your loved one is truly gone. That death is a part of our lives and that while life goes on, other people really do care about what you're going through. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Thirdly, the tedium of the speeches at the gravesite gives us time to remember our loved one all together and say goodbye with our words and our tears. It also gives a chance to the family to highlight to everyone, especially the haters, that their loved one has been laid to rest with dignity, no matter what life they lived or what death they died. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> After that we all go home together and wash hands at the entrance of the home, firstly to deal with that health risk from shaking hands all morning, to washing off the work we will have done, to preparing to share a meal together. Food is significant in all cultures and I believe it's significant at a funeral not just for nourishment after working and crying hard, but also to remind us to celebrate the life of the deceased. After the body has been put in the ground and bid farewell according to whatever religion is ascribed to (usually with prayer in case the Christians are right!), there is more of an atmosphere of celebration. Despite the sadness, funerals bring family and friends together and provide a platform for catching up and figuring out new relationships. This too is important. The final triumph of many deceased people is that bringing people together. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">I have yet to be part of proceedings after a funeral such as reading of wills and sharing of clothes and memorials, so I'm not sure what they add to the mix. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">A final note is on the dress code of funerals. I used to wonder why women had to cover up and men had to be decent (no shorts or slops) and I realized that its to keep the focus on the task at hand. Head scarfs often come off when it's time to eat and hang out afterwards but during the funeral and the preceding mourning gatherings focus shouldn't be brought onto the individual but on the purpose of their presence. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">So that's what I've learnt. It may not be truly accurate but it's key to me as I grow up as an African in Africa, learning how to piece together the logic of our parents who don't explain these things but teach us by taking us along and showing us. I hope I'll be able to put these things into words for our children who are growing up in a world of words and will be so much more challenged than we are. </div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-28075872753268873842013-08-29T06:46:00.001-07:002013-08-29T06:46:10.495-07:00Lessons of my thirtieth year: part 1So when I turned 30 I decided that i would start collating some of the important lessons I've learnt in my life. I'll try and put together the 30 top ones when I turn 31. This is the beginning...<div><br></div><div><br><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">What my thirtieth year has taught me so far...</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">1. Never say never! Life is very unpredictable and, even in the decisions we make, life can happen to us where and when we least expect it. The most important thing is to own your decisions and be strong in them. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">2. Life is great and terrible all at the same time and for the same reasons (equal and opposite direction reactions).</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">3. No-one can or will love you or understand you in the way you get yourself because no one has experienced your life like you have. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">4. I still need to learn a lot about self-assertion! I need to assert my agency to live out the adventures of MY life.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">5. I need to learn to let go of the responsibility I feel for the happiness and joy of other people, except my children and those of my mother.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">6. I need to learn to hear and listen apart from my ears. To learn that silence is not a negative space - it is NOt the absence of joy or positivity</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">7. In so many ways you make the life you live through the decisions you make and those you choose not to make. Fear can keep you company and make you feel justified but will desert you as your companion when it counts the most. If you are driven by fear, you will crash at the sharp bends because fear itself is scared. If you're full of fear you will feel empty when it counts. I have learnt this but still have to learn to live with it. </div></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-39759535444315403522013-05-24T05:35:00.005-07:002013-05-24T05:35:19.357-07:00Dreaming with a broken heartI wish I didn't cry when I get angry. I stole that line from the blog of a friend I greatly admire, and it hit me again this morning as my eyes stung from what I felt was a great injustice. Even after checking on my role in the issue I felt justified, like I haven't done anything wrong, yet there I was angry and crying. In hindsight I realise that I've always been an emotional person, prone to spilling tears when overwhelmed by anything. But my failure to explain or describe this has led me to hide my emotionality so that it can't be misunderstood as blackmail (only a guy could see it as that!), or weakness, but as a way of relieving pressure and making room to process and deal with the issue with the emotions out of the way. Most girls know that nothing is as cleansing or empowering as a good cry - over anything! Even if it's a good cry over a hearty laugh. Perhaps we should schedule times when we all just get together and weep then give good hugs and carry on with our lives. Cos sometimes all you need is a cry and a hug.Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-64609106765524521392013-02-11T04:42:00.001-08:002013-02-11T04:42:46.200-08:0027 January 2013 - Love and BetrayalBetrayal first. Cos I hope it will be a shorter write. <br />
Was talking to Shep last night about friendship and just being on the cusp of ending one. The betrayal I felt/ feel went deep - it wasn't about the act but about the perceived lack of consideration behind it. If this person can take 7 years of friendship and put their feelings before that, not even before my feelings but before the investment and all of our selves that we have poured into it, then what's the point? Why continue investing if I can no longer have the assurance that they will stand up for me when I'm not there? Why continue sleeping with someone I feel could kill me in my sleep? I know I should find it in my heart to forgive and move on - and that may be my biggest achievement of 2013 - but to get to that point I most overcome Mistrust and its associate Fear and, knowing God, it's going to be a hard journey to become that big a person! <br />
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Now on to love! Yay! <br />
It's dawned on me that after 5 years I love my husband SO MUCH MORE than I did back then, and I thought I COULDN'T love him more than the day I gave myself to him, then the day I married him, then the day I realized we had survived the first 2 years and it had been worth it! Now the love I feel for him is intense and explosive! It also means that as far as it goes in one direction it also goes hard in the opposite direction when that time comes. That's the part I will learn to overcome in 2013. I love being ruled by my positive emotions but I need to learn to rule my negative ones. I say I must rule them not get rid of them because they have cleansing abilities. They give me a chance to have a fresh look when it's called for. But they can also cloud me and force me to stand still so I don't destroy something I love in a frivolous and indulgent moment. But back to love! I find that my love for this crazy amazing man is both wide and deep. It's generally large. Its width is about the varied things I love about him, the him I've come to know who exists only (mostly?) between him and me - the intense philosopher who feels things deeply, the one where I get to see how he thinks and not just what. I love seeing him live out the potential I saw in him from the beginning. He justifies my love for stationery and the potential that it holds! Lol! I love the him who is constant and unchanging. Who decided who he was and continued to be that person. That calms me in its contrast to my ever changing, never stable self. I love his him-ness. That he walks into a room and I feel complete. Safe. Like I can lay my burdens down cos he's there to get them. Like I no longer have to try so hard cos here walks full acceptance. I hope that he feels the same with me. <br />
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The depth of my love for him is in the respect I have for him. His brilliant and sharp mind. His big, warm heart. His generosity - which can be a large part of my insanity because I DO NOT like to share him and he is generous with himself. I love this man who is excellent in a crisis and always looks at everyone's interests! What mind can juggle so many things at once??? It's like multi tasking on drugs! (Or it emphasizes the simplicity of my mind!!) I'm constantly excited for the adventures that our life will take us on - both physical and mental (not so much the emotional ones to be honest!). And there's noone i would rather have beside me as we do it all. <br />
Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-82872331066945332292013-02-11T04:38:00.001-08:002013-02-11T04:38:29.835-08:0027 January 2013 - life lessonsI never thought I'd be this gutted with the death of a pet. For all our complaining about him and accusing him of being in the way, Brutus was such a part of our family. He is sorely missed. <br />
With all the drama of the past week, with Tanaka discipline issues, various financial and relational minefields, to Brutus's illness, I'm constantly grateful for my husband who is there to share the burdens of life with me. But every time I think of how much I have I think of the same sized gaping hole in the life of the widow of my friend. None of us, when we signed up for marriage, ever imagined widowhood before our 30th birthday. I don't even know where I'd start if it happened to me. But I guess I do have a form of survivor's guilt for enjoying my hubby when she doesn't have one and she didn't ask for him to go or even have time to prepare for his departure. Sometimes life just hurts! <br />
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Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-18502299773443218712013-02-11T04:36:00.001-08:002013-02-11T04:36:00.143-08:002013 catchupHello dear readers - who in my mind is just a future me!! <br />
I've been quite slack and unconfident with posting this year but I've still be writing. So I'll post some stuff with the dates they were written. <br />
Enjoy the ramblings... Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-55625376379529673102012-11-01T02:15:00.001-07:002013-05-24T05:49:53.580-07:00If it ain't one thing, it's your mother!I'm awed by my daughters. By how much I love them but more than that, by how much they love me. The way their precious faces light up when I walk into the room humbles me each time. I spent a day with Tabo (1 year old) recently when I was off sick from work, and from there it was like something triggered in her and she seems to enjoy my presence whereas before she tolerated me as one of the people in the house. And 4 your old Lani! Oh my, she inspires me with her love and adoration everyday! She asks such insightful questions and says 'I love you, Mummy' about 8 times a day! I'm humbled at how easy they are to love and mother (so far!), but I can't help wondering about my own childhood and when my relationship with my mother became difficult. So I find myself on the lookout for signs of stress, though I don't know what I'll do when they come. For now though I'm in awe of God's love and favour, that a terrible daughter like me would have such awesome daughters. And I say this before we hit our second cycle of the terrible twos!! fingers crossed!Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-65224673613022974162012-10-12T11:10:00.001-07:002012-10-12T11:10:06.808-07:00The answer to the question...As I was reading Paulo Coehlo's 'The Witch of Portobello' four days ago it hit me firstly that I'm a hippie at heart! But more importantly that in this phase of my life I'm searching - searching for life, love, answers to all the questions I've ever had (Coelho will do that to you!), but at the end of it all I'm searching for myself! How important it is to know me - the culmination of what I think, dream, hope, my identity in Christ, who I am to other people, but most of all who I am to myself. I often try to stop and wonder if I'm living the life I imagine I should be living but rarely take the time to answer that question. I think finding me and the answer to the question 'Who am I?' that will fit me always is the answer to unlocking the rest of my life. <br />
SeenMvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-49149175096333740942012-08-10T23:45:00.001-07:002012-08-10T23:45:12.323-07:00The joys of winterWhat's the summer equivalent of a winter night by the fire?<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwZdYl_Jv6cF7S609JBrZSge_C4bTbxPPsWRFAPPs-UEy5jXx94ZQJzuvnKrRQNgVAphOCJb_05Zv_KrGQDj99_N9VzeG_yCvqkzpEptxAgWQ80t-7CCFrrvdDUl-f_nSjP_gJVuPpLHQ/s640/blogger-image-1377932205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwZdYl_Jv6cF7S609JBrZSge_C4bTbxPPsWRFAPPs-UEy5jXx94ZQJzuvnKrRQNgVAphOCJb_05Zv_KrGQDj99_N9VzeG_yCvqkzpEptxAgWQ80t-7CCFrrvdDUl-f_nSjP_gJVuPpLHQ/s640/blogger-image-1377932205.jpg" /></a></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-90419204589351499732012-08-05T01:43:00.001-07:002012-08-05T01:43:31.169-07:00Accidents or learning aids? Day 5 in photos10 month old Tabo's first kitchen disaster <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5d_crlggY1TfknvikaM1eQiBFhYp_m_ltnr08sUKcZPrIf-aEVFkz4QgADEJTzQTbn2jrUW6P65ShjqmIJwBikxmIlbqf4x-4V7FAtwwLlmtlTAxppeELRXpfpS1M59Qs12QSJ-67t3g/s640/blogger-image--1205845487.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5d_crlggY1TfknvikaM1eQiBFhYp_m_ltnr08sUKcZPrIf-aEVFkz4QgADEJTzQTbn2jrUW6P65ShjqmIJwBikxmIlbqf4x-4V7FAtwwLlmtlTAxppeELRXpfpS1M59Qs12QSJ-67t3g/s640/blogger-image--1205845487.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQZ33MKjoU8dDI1jjoQxn5bjeLYxwpkqwcrRUe0q_onSLQpHfJAc8Qq08LbraiplJ6guigw3Uq0ZMJnlVvvY4qQOyG4XEgJNq76zRkN1bXjSoj9c4H3wSmQceGOf_JE0luNscgOH0TsWg/s640/blogger-image--1284241935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQZ33MKjoU8dDI1jjoQxn5bjeLYxwpkqwcrRUe0q_onSLQpHfJAc8Qq08LbraiplJ6guigw3Uq0ZMJnlVvvY4qQOyG4XEgJNq76zRkN1bXjSoj9c4H3wSmQceGOf_JE0luNscgOH0TsWg/s640/blogger-image--1284241935.jpg" /></a></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-3515580258615766372012-08-04T04:15:00.003-07:002012-08-10T23:48:10.577-07:00Changing names, changing lanesThroughout my young feminist life I was always convinced that I'd never change my surname when I got married. However, when I did get married it wasnt worth the fight to keep my name as it was important to my husband. I changed officially but not in my heart so the things dearest to me kept my maiden name eg my email and my signature and my initials. My main argument (to myself because noone really asked me about it) was that the maiden name part of me was still a part of me and didnt need to be replaced. Now five years later I'm feeling an internal urge to complete the process and get an email address with my new surname. Why though? Have I finally got used to being called mrs? Have i finally embraced my family in law? What does it mean for my 'old' surname and ideology? I think I'll wait a while before I make the change to see if I really mean it. <br />
Five years on I'm also interested in getting a new wedding ring. I think I'm discovering that who I am now is different from who I was then. How has that affected other areas of my life? I believe these 2 changes are mere symptoms of some internal changes. I believe I may just have grown up... whatever that means! Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-65333259395879426372012-08-04T04:15:00.001-07:002012-08-04T04:15:10.057-07:00My beautiful daughter!No words needed. She lights up my life! I never thought I'd be a gushing parent but there u have it... <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAsvXN4hW79E81X75x0sqXuf8zOIciF-6QLJT_csSQgkbae1XItJyl84Itdkhya0bQIMYGnJB7_otiK2TUOX7LwlwuqBXEIs-zH8fHNPobOYuUqLO6x6nGQE8Kv-CUlyrLfQWFES44zaU/s640/blogger-image--1695610327.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAsvXN4hW79E81X75x0sqXuf8zOIciF-6QLJT_csSQgkbae1XItJyl84Itdkhya0bQIMYGnJB7_otiK2TUOX7LwlwuqBXEIs-zH8fHNPobOYuUqLO6x6nGQE8Kv-CUlyrLfQWFES44zaU/s640/blogger-image--1695610327.jpg" /></a></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-61569959642232910262012-08-02T08:40:00.001-07:002012-08-02T08:40:18.210-07:00Day 2 in picturesGreat lunch, chats and hanging with my good friend Sammy Sam. Our friendship formed so unexpectedly and has lasted for a long time through so much. I guess it just goes to show that you can't really plan these things. <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9sh6JnQ0K0Kkqww7jBcFH8b8b2EOhyphenhyphenlN_jzwHzZT6rf8CTYD_HBON_j2AwAepscAeDsF1HAOuiO9-aiDwtguFBxV6MLploCPWrya2-00uC9F2mvYRFB8hSXt425TatlG-3ZuPZ1gpJU/s640/blogger-image--83524377.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9sh6JnQ0K0Kkqww7jBcFH8b8b2EOhyphenhyphenlN_jzwHzZT6rf8CTYD_HBON_j2AwAepscAeDsF1HAOuiO9-aiDwtguFBxV6MLploCPWrya2-00uC9F2mvYRFB8hSXt425TatlG-3ZuPZ1gpJU/s640/blogger-image--83524377.jpg" /></a></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-66589838728794629412012-08-01T06:42:00.001-07:002012-08-01T06:42:43.208-07:00My August in picturesI've been very slack with this blog so I want to try and liven it up a bit. I shall try to upload a picture with a little story everyday in August. So here goes...<br />
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<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVkS8sZQSt3Wp-296MXp7hHoVCBR0Yv8XtjuIyyKE37eNgMvnBGZWGDCt7RpHe9EtGlmwppsSwquYR57kPfJBlrh4WlOMe3fERkHA_LS_gHuLs3Z7qblCoPbKaMyuusRsvtDQAD4jhTBU/s640/blogger-image--1287437202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVkS8sZQSt3Wp-296MXp7hHoVCBR0Yv8XtjuIyyKE37eNgMvnBGZWGDCt7RpHe9EtGlmwppsSwquYR57kPfJBlrh4WlOMe3fERkHA_LS_gHuLs3Z7qblCoPbKaMyuusRsvtDQAD4jhTBU/s640/blogger-image--1287437202.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlStINaPWCcJOGv6KOMkSJq4Xv2R348EM7KY38x4AsPIPx1eW9pCDgAHURxbSYDoSqd38xl-YR_UUJdmSi8131fq0Qp565GquuBZzgjN5Uz4u6DZ0138DlYWuxOOaBpNrRnwQZ__zPyrA/s640/blogger-image-256179324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlStINaPWCcJOGv6KOMkSJq4Xv2R348EM7KY38x4AsPIPx1eW9pCDgAHURxbSYDoSqd38xl-YR_UUJdmSi8131fq0Qp565GquuBZzgjN5Uz4u6DZ0138DlYWuxOOaBpNrRnwQZ__zPyrA/s640/blogger-image-256179324.jpg" /></a></div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-54988341875612829612012-04-26T07:11:00.000-07:002012-04-26T07:11:56.571-07:00Age is more than a number, it's a relationship<div style="text-align: justify;">
Several times over the past couple of years I've had opportunity to engage with my parents and those of my friends outside of the usual system of our relationships. Circumstances called for both parties to be adults, no longer an adult and child. While it's empowering and somewhat exciting to be an 'adult' and have opinions that count, it's also sad and hard to see our parents as people that I can relate to on an equal footing. To see their weaknesses and their insecurities and realise that they are not omnipotent and omniscient beings who are always right. This realisation might be easier and it might come sooner for people from other cultures whose relationships are structured differently, but, for all our advancements, we Bulawayans are still very conservative. I love to be able to give back to my folks (which term covers uncles, aunts, older siblings, parents' friends) but their vulnerability kicks at something in my chest. Is it a fear that someday that'll be me? That as soon as you have children you live for them then one day they no longer need you? I guess I know myself well enough to fear that that fear could keep me from having a fully engaged relationship with my children, not wanting to 'lose' myself in parenting then be kicked out the door when my time is up. </div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8666199740683166715.post-48329452671681823482012-04-24T08:01:00.000-07:002012-04-24T08:01:09.706-07:00Be careful what you pray for...<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm excited about this new blogging journey. I've been thinking about it for a while and wondering how to be honest and insightful without being inappropriately personal and naked. I haven't figured it out yet but I've got over my fear of trying, spurred on by a lovely lady in Ireland who I've spent most of my life copying!</div>
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So, what to write about? One of the many ravings that has been on my heart for the past couple of days is how we don't often realise when prayer has been answered, especially those half-thought of desperate, prayers like 'Lord, please make me a better person!' when we've wronged someone. God, in His wisdom and parent-like sense of humour, answers us very practically and makes us learn things. I've found myself wondering why certain situations keep recurring (such as being plan-lessly broke!) then i remember that i asked Him to teach me to rely on Him. Ouch! I wonder why my 4-going-on-14 year old daughter is being so trying and I remember that I prayed to be a more patient mum.</div>
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In short, I've learnt that God rarely waves His magic wand (!) and transforms us, but He truly takes the time to grow us and teach us to be better people in ways that will last. I'm still to see Him answer those other desperate prayers - may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of my enemies! (stolen curse!)</div>Mvusehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08669910601958382328noreply@blogger.com0